Passing my test...

All I can say about this week, is that it has been one of the hardest weeks I've gone through in a really hard time. God confronted me with an issue that I've kind of thought I had, but never wanted to deal with. My fear of money-that is not having enough.

The test, I believe, began last Thursday when John told me his hours were getting cut back a day a week. I instantly began to worry that they would do this all the time, I began to worry about having enough money to have money left over, etc. God instantly started dealing with me on this issues, speaking to me, and letting me know that the matter would be left in His hands. I let it go, but still worried in the back of my mind.

Then last Sunday, John played football with some friends, and hurt his knee. He went to the next day, and came home on crutches and had a splint on-it turned out he sprained his knee. I instantly began to worry about the fact that he might have to miss work, and that he was hurt worse, and would be off work for awhile. I didn't take care of John very well, I was constantly going over different scenarios in my head. Meanwhile, John was letting me think that his knee didn't hurt, so that I would be reassured that he was going to work this week, even though he was in pain.

Tuesday night, John admitted to me that his knee hurt badly, and didn't think it would be a good idea to go to work. We talked about it and decided that it would be best for him to take the next two days off. I didn't like it, and I was really scared. I cried so hard, and I knew that I was being tested, and that God was not going to back down-this all would not stop until I passed my test. I honestly believe that John's leg was not going to heal until I passed my test.

Yesterday was better. I spent time in the Word, and found scriptures that helped me:

Matthew 6:25-33-This talks about worry.

Hebrews 4:16-Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

So, I started to feel peaceful yesterday, however, I still felt unsettled in my spirit. I spoke with a friend yesterday, and she said something that really helped me: "either you'll break easy, or break hard." I know that either way He was going to break me. I slept a lot better last night, reading the Word before bed.

Today, I am completely at peace. The circumstance is still the same, but I know that God is there, and that He will provide. Today John's knee started healing faster. It's almost completely healed.

"God gives and takes away-Praise the name of the Lord."

The Lord will use what is foolish...

Wow. To say we are under attack would be an understatement. It's amazing what the enemy will do, and the plan that he concocts. It started for us yesterday morning, in a dream where I was attacked with something that had been hurting me. It was weird, because it seemed all day my husband would unknowingly say comments that would rub that part of my heart the wrong way. I, then, talked to my Mom yesterday. The conversation really had a lot to do with money. There was a lot of undertones in her comments where she would compliment my husband, but it was really insults. The insults were pretty much saying that my husband doesn't make a lot of money and could do better. Last night around 10 pm, everything that I had not dealt with surfaced and I shouted and cried and kind of scared myself. When that happened, I really felt a heaviness in the room, and I honestly believe that there were a lot of the demons assigned to my life present. My husband and I decided to pray together, and we rebuked what was there and repented for what we did to invite them into our lives. Then we claimed our house and lives back for Jesus. I repented what not dealing with the leftover junk and hurt that I had and received God's forgiveness. The main thing for today, is to really move on, and not revisit it. Yesterday was terrible, but God used it to reveal the things that had not been dealt with in our hearts.
We are really in a battle! The SECOND you stop pressing in to God, and jump back into your flesh, I honestly believe you are inviting the demons assigned to your life to mess with you. The way we've been attacked is by people speaking into our lives that we are pretty much nothing. You know, they're right! That's why God WILL use us. And He will use what the world sees as foolish to confound the wise. We will NOT back down.

"Lord, I will hold my head up high, and know that I am called precious in your sight. I will do what I am called to do and BE who I am called to be. Forgive me for my unforgiveness and bitterness. And I forgive myself. I will not put my hands to the plow and look back."

Gonna give this a try

I absolutely love to write. I've been looking for a place to really talk about my thoughts and things that are going on in my life, and a place for people that know me to check in if they haven't had a chance to. So, again, I love to write, and I'm hoping that I have the patience to keep a journal up!

So, for anybody who I haven't seen for awhile, I'll just list some updates on what's been going on with us:

1) Honestly, it's been a really hard couple of weeks. I've really had to press into God to get through it. My Grandma died two weeks ago last Sunday after being diagnosed with stage 4 terminal lung cancer. That's been really hard.

2) I lost my job a couple of weeks ago. My boss couldn't work with our schedule anymore, and he knows that we won't put our kids in daycare.

3) This goes with number 2, but we've been feeling the financial strain from me losing my job, and John missing work to go to my grandma's funeral. Tomorrow we are going to sit down and discuss some luxuries we're going to have to let go of.

With everything that is going on, however, God is good, and He's been there through everything. Friday night during the ministry meeting that was held at our house, we were worshipping, and God was really telling all of us to really press in. Well, all of a sudden the sky all around us was completely dark. There was one cloud that was completely light, it was like a golden cloud. Then He said to a person at the meeting that in the midst of the darkness, His light always shines through. I'm going to choose to hold onto that.

That's all right now:)